You try to be strong, brave, courageous, all branches from the same tree. You try to hide your weakness from those who know your vulnerability. You have a duty towards your daughter to make sure she learns the lessons of life, to show her humanity at its best.
But then you look within, you see that child that once was. That child that grew up surrounded by fragility and chaos, that became an adult searching for truth, and the struggles between this world and the next. Trying to live for tomorrow but are aware that it may never come.
You try to forgive and let go but the child staring back at you reminds you of that once upon a time dream. You look back and think where did i go wrong, but even if you had the answer, its not going to change your yesterdays into todays.
So you turn your face to the One who breathed life into you, who gave you this life as a means of knowing Him. You try to pursue that goal.....and now come the trials and tribulations of agonising love and painful separation. You look deep into your heart rooting out all types of love that have no use invading the space reserved for only One Love.
Then you let go.
Let go of all the trust you had placed in man. All the hope that builds in your system only to be washed away by a flicker of insecurity.
You start to see that journey unfold, the same journey you read time and time again, in books of literature, philosophy and mysticism. You wonder how it starts off and where it all ends. You read the supplications of praise and then forgiveness, then sit in a state of solitude, a moment of reflection, of new found hope and reignited love. For that moment you become at peace with yourself and you start to make peace with the world.
Life is painful to live, but even more painful if you dont know how to live it.
4 Comments:
At 1:15 am, Anonymous said…
True words, Dear Sister :) May Allah guide your journey. The steps may be painful, for nothing of yourself remains hidden on this path, but you come to realize that you, that best, innocent part of you, is not your past. You are not your past. Temporal love is inconsistent, and sometimes fleeting as life, only He is now and forever. Teach your daughter love and humanity, and she will also find her way.
Ya Haqq!
At 1:31 am, Anonymous said…
A Rumi poem for you :)
BISMILLAH!
It’s a habit of yours to walk slowly.
You hold a grudge for years.
With such heaviness, how can you be modest?
With such attachments, do you expect to arrive anywhere?
Be wide as the air to learn a secret.
Right now you’re equal portions clay
and water, thick mud.
Abraham learned how the sun and moon and the stars all set.
He said, No longer will I try to assign partners for God.
You are so weak. Give up to grace.
The ocean takes care of each wave
till it gets to shore.
You need more help than you know.
You’re trying to live your life in open scaffolding.
Say Bismillah, In the name God,
Bismillah your old self
to find your real name.
At 7:43 pm, Tempest said…
That is a beautiful poem, thank you for sharing. It so fits the way i feel right now.
Thank you for your advice i shall take it onboard. :)
At 10:19 pm, Jafar Alam said…
Beautifully written ... I can totally relate ...
check out my blog sometime ...
jafaralam.blogspot.com
peace and blessings;
Jafar:)
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